Children and Grief
When a family member dies, children react differently from adults. Preschool children
usually see death as temporary and reversible, a belief reinforced by cartoon characters
who die and come to life again. Children between five and nine begin to think more like
adults about death, yet they still believe it will never happen to them or anyone they
know.
Adding to a child's shock and confusion at the death of a brother, sister, or parent is the
unavailability of other family members, who may be so shaken by grief that they are not
able to cope with the normal responsibility of childcare.
Parents should be aware of normal childhood responses to a death in the family, as well
as signs when a child is having difficulty coping with grief. It is normal during the weeks
following the death for some children to feel immediate grief or persist in the belief that
the family member is still alive. However, long-term denial of the death or avoidance of
grief can be emotionally unhealthy and can later lead to more severe problems.
A child who is frightened about attending a funeral should not be forced to go; however,
honoring or remembering the person in some way, such as lighting a candle, saying a
prayer, making a scrapbook, reviewing photographs, or telling a story may be helpful.
Children should be allowed to express feelings about their loss and grief in their own
way.
Once children accept the death, they are likely to display their feelings of sadness on and
off over a long period of time, and often at unexpected moments. The surviving relatives
should spend as much time as possible with the child, making it clear that the child has
permission to show his or her feelings openly or freely.
The person who has died was essential to the stability of the child's world, and anger is a
natural reaction. The anger may be revealed in boisterous play, nightmares, irritability, or
a variety of other behaviors. Often the child will show anger towards the surviving family
members.
After a parent dies, many children will act younger than they are. The child may
temporarily become more infantile; demand food, attention and cuddling; and talk baby
talk. Younger children frequently believe they are the cause of what happens around
them. A young child may believe a parent, grandparent, brother, or sister died because he
or she had once wished the person dead when they were angry. The child feels guilty or
blames him or herself because the wish came true. Children who are having serious problems with grief and loss may show one or more of
these signs:
• an extended period of depression in which the child loses interest in daily
activities and events
• inability to sleep, loss of appetite, prolonged fear of being alone
• acting much younger for an extended period
• excessively imitating the dead person
• repeated statements of wanting to join the dead person
• withdrawal from friends, or
• sharp drop in school performance or refusal to attend school
If these signs persist, professional help may be needed. A child and adolescent
psychiatrist or other qualified mental health professional can help the child accept the
death and assist the others in helping the child through the mourning process.
Quazi Imam, M.D.
Board Certified in Psychiatry.
Board Certified in Addiction Psychiatry.
Board Certified in Geriatric Psychiatry.
Board Certified in Forensic Psychiatry.
Former Assistant Professor of Psychiatry,Mount Sinai School of Medicine, NY.
Child & Adolescent Psychiatrist,Harvard Medical School Trained.
1833 W. Pioneer Parkway Tel: 682-323-4566
Arlington, Texas 76013
When a family member dies, children react differently from adults. Preschool children
usually see death as temporary and reversible, a belief reinforced by cartoon characters
who die and come to life again. Children between five and nine begin to think more like
adults about death, yet they still believe it will never happen to them or anyone they
know.
Adding to a child's shock and confusion at the death of a brother, sister, or parent is the
unavailability of other family members, who may be so shaken by grief that they are not
able to cope with the normal responsibility of childcare.
Parents should be aware of normal childhood responses to a death in the family, as well
as signs when a child is having difficulty coping with grief. It is normal during the weeks
following the death for some children to feel immediate grief or persist in the belief that
the family member is still alive. However, long-term denial of the death or avoidance of
grief can be emotionally unhealthy and can later lead to more severe problems.
A child who is frightened about attending a funeral should not be forced to go; however,
honoring or remembering the person in some way, such as lighting a candle, saying a
prayer, making a scrapbook, reviewing photographs, or telling a story may be helpful.
Children should be allowed to express feelings about their loss and grief in their own
way.
Once children accept the death, they are likely to display their feelings of sadness on and
off over a long period of time, and often at unexpected moments. The surviving relatives
should spend as much time as possible with the child, making it clear that the child has
permission to show his or her feelings openly or freely.
The person who has died was essential to the stability of the child's world, and anger is a
natural reaction. The anger may be revealed in boisterous play, nightmares, irritability, or
a variety of other behaviors. Often the child will show anger towards the surviving family
members.
After a parent dies, many children will act younger than they are. The child may
temporarily become more infantile; demand food, attention and cuddling; and talk baby
talk. Younger children frequently believe they are the cause of what happens around
them. A young child may believe a parent, grandparent, brother, or sister died because he
or she had once wished the person dead when they were angry. The child feels guilty or
blames him or herself because the wish came true. Children who are having serious problems with grief and loss may show one or more of
these signs:
• an extended period of depression in which the child loses interest in daily
activities and events
• inability to sleep, loss of appetite, prolonged fear of being alone
• acting much younger for an extended period
• excessively imitating the dead person
• repeated statements of wanting to join the dead person
• withdrawal from friends, or
• sharp drop in school performance or refusal to attend school
If these signs persist, professional help may be needed. A child and adolescent
psychiatrist or other qualified mental health professional can help the child accept the
death and assist the others in helping the child through the mourning process.
Quazi Imam, M.D.
Board Certified in Psychiatry.
Board Certified in Addiction Psychiatry.
Board Certified in Geriatric Psychiatry.
Board Certified in Forensic Psychiatry.
Former Assistant Professor of Psychiatry,Mount Sinai School of Medicine, NY.
Child & Adolescent Psychiatrist,Harvard Medical School Trained.
1833 W. Pioneer Parkway Tel: 682-323-4566
Arlington, Texas 76013
